Our perspective and perception matter a great deal when interacting with others. It is incredibly difficult for us to see past our own biases and opinions. Even the most open minded people bring their own blind spots to the table.
If I say a horse is red and you say a horse is brown, is the horse red or brown? No amount of me saying it’s red or you saying its brown is going to change either of our opinions. To me its red and to you its brown. Period. But the truth is, it doesn’t matter. As long as we both see a horse we should be able to get on the same page.
Sometimes, in communication, we get into arguments over the thing that’s not really the thing. Does it really matter if I see a red horse and you see a brown horse? Not really. If I saw a horse and you saw a cow…now that’s a bigger issue.
When we are in disagreement with someone, the important thing to agree on is the big picture. Don’t get so lost in the tiny details that you lose sight of the true purpose of the conversation. Respect the fact that they see it differently than you do. Acknowledge and communicate why it looks different to you. And then, move forward.
Truly, our approach doesn’t have to be the same, as long as we are all working towards the same goal. You don’t have to see it how I see it or do it how I would do it in order to get it done. Stay focused on the big picture, communicate goals and expectations and then do the work. Half of successful communication is letting your guard down enough to see something from another’s point of view. You don’t have to adopt their mindset to respect it.
Is there a right way to load the dishwasher? Do laundry? Cook spaghetti? No. There’s my way and there is your way. Mine is not superior to yours. Do I prefer my way? Absolutely, who doesn’t? But as long as the dishes are clean, laundry is done and supper is cooked does it really matter how we got there? Give people the space they need to complete the task. Completion, not perfection, should be our main goal when doing life with another human. Much love and grace sweet friends.
We all need to this reminder over and over. Such a good article. So glad you are doing this!
I need this reminder often – my stubbornness keeps me in places I would like to outgrow. Thank you for your encouragement!