Sometimes I find myself in a bad mood for no particular reason. Or at least not one I can easily identify. Often, if I take the time to evaluate why I am feeling that way, I realize I am upset with someone for not meeting an expectation that I didn’t bother to communicate to them (super fair I know).
In my immaturity, I realize that I sometimes do things for people for the thanks that comes back to me because of it. I like appreciation. I want people to acknowledge, appreciate and praise my efforts. Do I like this about myself? Absolutely not. But its there and I acknowledge it. I am working on growing past it but I’m a work in progress for sure.
What I do know is that if I do something for you, expecting a certain reaction out of you, I will be disappointed every single time. You are a living, breathing, complicated individual and you will never react exactly as I want you to. And you know what, I’m so thankful for that. I am so thankful that you are you and I am me, this world needs both of our perspectives.
I have caught myself fuming because someone has not responded to a text I sent them. Especially if I send them some heartfelt message that I expect them to gush over. There’s that word again, expect. I have to constantly evaluate my expectations. I need to gush over you because I want you to know how I feel, not because I need a reaction. Sometimes, in my loneliness or insecurity, I will send a heartfelt text so someone will send me back something nice in return. I am in need of love, so I send out love. But its a form of manipulation, a subtle one, but a manipulation none the less. I need to love my people for who they are, not for what they can do for me.
Here’s your challenge friends, next time you find yourself feeling lonely or insecure and reaching for your phone. Stop. Start by telling yourself what you need to hear from someone else. Validate yourself. Then send out a loving text because you want a person to know how you feel, not because you want something in return. Manipulating people is not pretty and often leads to disappointment. People are not ever going to do what you want them to. Send them some love from a place of overflow, not a place of need.
