I am not easy, but you already know that. It’s one of the reasons you love me. One of the puzzling reasons that I don’t understand, but you do and nothing can change that fact. I knew, the moment we first sat down, years after losing touch, that you were a man who liked a challenge. And boy, did you get one. I have done a lot of work over the years to try and not only understand myself but to also learn to love the part of me that I don’t always like. There are still many things I don’t understand about myself.
You love the parts of me that I struggle to even like. The things I see as flaws are the things you most embrace. You know when I am shutting down, closing myself up and putting up walls and you patiently wait for me to peak over them again. You are learning to ride the waves that are part of me and you don’t complain about them ever.
This transition has been a very difficult one. It seems as though one area of my life settles and another is immediately in turmoil. I disappear into myself and when I emerge you are always there, exactly where I left you, waiting patiently for me to emerge. This is the happiest time of my life, but it is honestly one of the most difficult as well. So many changes for a woman who doesn’t crave change. I have learned to honor it and embrace it but I most definitely do not love it.
Thank you for not asking me to be different. For not requiring more of me than I can offer. For taking me as I am. For loving the Amanda that’s difficult as much as the Amanda that’s charming and sweet. For understand that withdraw is part of my process. For standing under my storm clouds and for holding my umbrella. I do not know why you love me, but I am sure glad you do. Thank you for journeying through this life with me.
