Life is hard sometimes. It just is. There are the obvious hard days, that include the loss of a loved one, a breakup, losing a job, etc. Those aren’t the days I’m thinking about. On those days, most of us are surrounded by loved ones. They come rushing in to make sure we are okay. We receive numerous calls and texts and visits from people, just making sure we are okay.
I’m talking about the other hard days. The one that are unexplainable. The ones we feel guilty for having. The days when things feel so heavy and hard that we question every single aspect of our lives. When, in fact, we are extraordinarily blessed. We are loved, healthy, have great jobs, families, etc. These are the days I’m thinking of.
Even as I type this, I feel guilty. Sitting at the dining table in the home that I own surrounded by abundance. And yet, I feel heavy, and undone. Tomorrow is my 34th birthday, I am blessed beyond belief, and yet I feel heavy.
I feel an insurmountable amount of guilt as I write this, but I write it anyway. I write this for the person in the same situation that truly doesn’t understand why they feel the way they feel. I am typically very happy and positive about life but I have to work at it. And some days, I just can’t. Today is one of those days. I just don’t have the strength to fight this heaviness today. I know that I will wake up tomorrow with a new found strength. That I will find a way to push through this heaviness and get to the other side. But today. Today, I need a little extra grace and love. I need a little more quiet time to myself to try and sort through the source of the heaviness. I need a little more time in my gratitude journal because I truly know that I am abundantly blessed. And yet today, I feel heavy.
I’m thankful that tomorrow is a new day, and tomorrow I will no longer feel heavy. I will find a way to fight through this and get to the other side and emerge from this. But today. Thank you for allowing me to wallow and be real.
