I used to say all the time that I was horrible at remembering names. I got so frustrated with myself because I could not, for the life of me, remember people’s names. I realized that I never actually heard them because as they were telling me about themselves I was thinking about what to say in response. I didn’t even hear them. My attention was not focused on the person and what they were saying, my attention was focused solely on my own response.
Often times, when we are struggling with communication issues, the root of the issue is misunderstanding. We do not invest the right amount of patience and attention in truly understanding where another person is coming from. We are so busy formulating a response that we don’t hear them in the first place. Being present and sharing your presence are two completely different things. Being response oriented is you focused, trying to understand is other focused.
Time is truly our most valuable asset. We can say all day long that we value someone or something but how much time do you actually spend in those areas that you say you value? Give the ones you love your undivided attention. When they speak to you, sit with them and focus solely on the conversation. People want to feel seen, heard and understood. Giving someone your undivided attention goes a long way to bridge the gap in relationships. You can’t attend to the thing that is distracting you in the moment anyway, so why not give the moment your full attention?
Next time you find yourself in a conversation with someone, check your presence. Are you truly paying attention? Are you leaning in to what that person is saying? Are you making a true effort to understand? Care more about understanding than formulating an eloquent response. Our people need us to be fully present and engaged.
