I haven’t always had success in dating; mainly because I lacked maturity in a couple of areas. Let me say, first of all, that just because a relationship ended doesn’t mean you are a failure. Sometimes they need to end. There is nothing wrong with a mutual decision to end a relationship, that is what mature people do. When you see it isn’t going anywhere, or the feelings aren’t there, respect the person enough to have a conversation. I am nowhere near great at dating, but I have learned a few things along the way that I would like to share with you.
First, actions reveal intentions. Period. Stop listening to everything someone is saying to you and pay attention to what they are actually doing. Words are easy, actions require effort. If there is no action, there is no intention. Someone who truly cares for you will make an effort, time and time again, to spend time with you. They will not make excuses and you will not have to make excuses for them. They will show up.
If someone says they love you, but their actions aren’t lining up with that I urge you to take a step back. Often, the truth is right in front of us if we will bother seeing it. If they like you, you will know, if they don’t, you’ll be confused. If you’ve spent any amount of time analyzing a person’s behavior with one of your friends, their intentions are probably not honorable. The one who truly cares for you, will not make you wonder.
Don’t settle for less than what you deserve. You deserve effort and intention at the very least. Also, you need to make an effort as well. Don’t expect your partner to do all the work, it takes two people to be successful in a relationship. I know that dating, especially in this crazy world we live in, is so very frustrating. Set your standards, then raise them a little higher. Pay attention to actions, listen but don’t believe without proof. Set boundaries with your time and energy. You’ve got this!
I was told for much of my single life, “while you’re dating, this is the best you’ll ever be treated,” meaning that during courtship this is when we’re all on our best behavior. If we’re waiting for engagement or marriage to progress the relationship in a different way, we’re mistaken. People’s actions absolutely reflect their intentions, it goes both ways. I still pursue my wife and “date” her although we’re married, because I need her to know I love her and it’s intentional! This was a great read, thanks for sharing!
You are such an intentional person, I felt that immediately with you. I was often told the same thing as you, it doesn’t get better than this…and I often thought why? Why can’t we treat the people we love well always? It doesn’t have to end. Thank you for evidence that the pursuit doesn’t end. I love how intentional y’all are with each other. Such a great example. Thank you for loving people with intention.