Ever walked into a room and felt the tension that your presence brings? Felt left out with those around you? Been unsure of your standing with others?In Wild at Heart, John Eldredge writes, “If you have no clue what your false self may be, then a starting point would be to ask those you live with and work with, What is my effect on you? What am I like to live with (or work with)? What don’t you feel free to bring up with me?”
We all have these trigger points in our souls, and they usually point to some of our deepest wounds. The things we avoid talking about, overreact to, or simply deny are often our largest areas of hurt that need healing. We are often very unaware of how greatly they effect those around us and the way we interact with others.
When we are in a state of hurt, we have a tendency to either bristle up and become unapproachable or go into hiding. We either become hardened and hard to talk to or we just avoid talking to anyone, making ourselves so small no one can see us.
Truly, our calling is in the way we love other people. The way we interact with people on a daily basis. If I’m being honest, I am very effected by other people. If you don’t like me, I don’t like you. If I’m not sure where I stand with you, I avoid you. If you don’t speak to me, I don’t speak to you. I am not doing it right. I need a lot of work in this area and to be honest I’m trying, but I’m not there yet. What I do know is that I want to be the effect, rather than being effected. I want to speak to you despite the fact you don’t speak to me. I want to be kind, when you are not kind to me. I’m getting there, but I am far from done with my work in this area.
Today, be aware of how others are with you. Maybe people are avoiding you because you have hurt them and a healing conversation needs to be had. Ask the tough questions. Take ownership of your own behavior. Know that you can effect change by simply being more engaged. Say hello. Ask someone to lunch. Bring treats to the office. Say thank you. Love people. That’s what it’s all about. Much love and growth points sweet friends.
