I’ve been trying to find these words for weeks…and honestly months now. Words that just wouldn’t come, hidden behind carefully guarded emotions. Sunday afternoon the carefully placed mask began to crack and the tears have been flowing steadily ever since. I’ve been running at an unusual pace, using busyness to numb the pain and hide from the truth. My family and I have been on a journey that we have largely kept quiet, out of both privacy and respect. My dad has cancer.
He started having issues in December and we have been on a journey to find a resolution. Running back and forth to Dr’s appointments, healing from one surgery and preparing for another. Taking hit after hit of hard to digest news and realizing that this is our reality. The great news is, we have an amazing prognosis, the cancer is contained and has not spread. The bad news is, he needs a very extensive surgery and will have a long road to recovery.
My world has stood still several times over the past few months. Sitting alone in a waiting room (because of COVID restrictions) while your dad is in surgery, anxiously awaiting the dr’s news I sat and listened to 2 different people receive the news that their loved ones had passed. Alone. In a cold waiting room with strangers starring at them, pretending not to hear. That’s where I first heard the C word.
Today, I will make my way home to spend a couple of weeks with my dad. Thursday he will undergo a major surgery and Friday he will being a long road to recovery. I am thankful that he has such an amazing prognosis, that he will have the ability to return to normal life, and be able to do the things he loves. What I wanted more than anything was for him to live. Truly live. From a place and a passion he hasn’t accessed in a long time. With all of my heart, I wish this was not the place we find ourselves, but here we are. I know that he will have the strength, stamina, and grace to get through this and so will the rest of us.
Thank you to all of you who have quietly offered your support, cooked meals, cleaned house and countless other things. Thank you to my work family who has given me the grace and time I need to be with him. Thank you to all of you who have loved us to this point and for those who will love us through this point. Hard times reveal the people who are really in your corner and I am humbled by the number I have in mine. It’s hard to see a strong man face such a hard thing but I know that His strength is made perfect in weakness. Much love and grace in the hard places sweet friends.
