Finding myself in a season of light, often reminds me of my seasons of darkness. I think the dark seasons of my life keep me honest, humble and grounded. Knowing, that at any moment, things could change keeps me living in a posture of gratitude. I appreciate the light, because I have walked through the darkness.
I am a painfully private person. I tend to draw inward and away when I am in pain. I go silent and stop engaging. Writing this blog has challenged me in so many ways. Ways that have made me more open, and honest and real. I want people to know that things are not always as they appear. Social media gives us such a skewed account of people’s lives, it’s hard to not feel as though we have fallen short in our own lives at times.
Sweet friends, know that this light I am walking in was hard won. I fought hard to get to this place. This place comes to me after years and years of darkness. Choices that left me feeling so lonely, forgotten and overlooked. Nights spent home alone, binge watching shows to try and find some solace in other people’s love stories, played out in dramas on tv. Days spent with a fake smile permanently plastered on my face so those who loved me best didn’t know that I was hurting. One of my most precious friends recently said, “I didn’t realize how unhappy you were until I saw you happy.” She was right, and honestly, I didn’t even know…I had grown so good at pretending.
Precious friends, may I challenge you to let your guard down? Let those who love you best see you at your worst. Even on your darkest days you are still one of the most loved, valued and amazing creatures on this planet. You are worth all the hard places people have to walk through with you. The ones who love you most want to know how you really are, they don’t ask you to be polite. They ask you because they love you. Shine as bright as you can sweet friends, and when your light dims, do the best you can until it returns. Clouds are a part of life and I think when we learn to respect and honor their purpose, we get to spend less time standing under them. Much love and bright, sunshiney days sweet friends.
